Lucid chapter summaries, 100% serious.
Chapter 1
“You’re new,” Jay said to the creature.
“You’re new,” the creature said to Jay.
Chapter 2
“You look like you want to be invited in.”
“I get that a lot.”
Chapter 3
“Aw man, a service dog is so much cooler than a succulent.”
Chapter 4
“Why is your hand in boiling water?”
Chapter 5
“I’d make a pretty boy.”
Chapter 6
"I have a key to his place.”
“You have a lockpick.”
“To his place.”
Chapter 7
“My mum’s face is dead.”
“Uh. Elaborate?”
“Her face is DEAD!”
Chapter 8
“Wrong window, Romeo.”
“My only Juliet’s landlord threw me out of her flat, can I crash at yours?”
Chapter 9
“The Day of Wreckoning is near.”
“That’s… dramatic.”
“I spelled it with a w, so like… wreckoning… like the wrecking ball… cause they’re gonna… wreck… the building…”
“We get it.”
“Do you?”
Chapter 10
“You told everyone your dad was dead.”
“Mm-hmm.”
“He’s at the door.”
“I lied?”
Chapter 11
“Can you come get me?”
“Where are you?”
“In a phone booth.”
“And where’s the phone booth?”
“Just sort of… around…”
Chapter 12
“They told me ‘nan, there’s a weird girl at work and she’s always sad’.”
“That’s me alright.”
Chapter 13
“We’re gonna have to loot a lot of vending machines to buy this.”
Chapter 14
“He didn’t survive the night.”
“Wait, that’s not funny.”
Chapter 15
“Excuse me, ma’am, is this imaginary shadow creature bothering you?”
Chapter 16
“It is our choices, Harry, that show what we
truly are.”
“Is that from Harry Potter?”
“How’d you know?”
“You just called me Harry.”
Chapter 17
“Send the crying children forward.”
“But they’re not crying.”
“Make them cry then send them forward.”
Chapter 18
“What does CPS stand for anyway?”
“Children Protect Snails.”
“Cheerful Pals Singing.”“C’mon, Pancakes Suck.”
“Celebrate Pediculosis Secretly.”
“Ew.”
Chapter 19
“I tried sneaking in but I fell up the stairs so I had to pay the security guard to not tell anyone. And also to let me upstairs.”
Chapter 20
“Listen I’m a queer kid living in a conservative household, far be it from me to recommend anything
that involves the word therapy but…”
Chapter 21
“Hey… what’s my name?”
Chapter 22
“This is usually where I’d have to monologue for a few minutes but I’m afraid of public speaking.”
Chapter 23
“Alibis are like underwear. I just love it when they match.”
Chapter 24
“I should’ve read the Terms and Conditions.”
Chapter 25
“Oh no, we’re stuck in a badly written metaphor!”
Chapter 26
“Are
you for real right now?”
“I don’t know, am I?”
“That’s not funny.”
“Isn’t it?”
“I’m gonna…”
“Are you?”




