The past three days I’ve been having these confusing and unpleasant dreams and I shit you not all three nights since I found out I’ve dreamt of my form master in one way or form. I haven’t dreamt this much of my grandma when she died, holy hell. (Though I’m grateful for that cause the few times I have dreamt of her she was a zombie or a walking corpse so. That was fun and totally didn’t fuck me up for weeks.)

Anyway the first night I think I dreamt of the class coming together for his funeral and this one classmate of mine was really cool to me about it and I got hugged (all three of my dreams also included me getting hugged, anyway how love/touch-deprived do you have to be to dream of getting hugged all the time) and it was really nice, and we went back to this one classroom of ours. I’m not sure what we were doing there but you know, classmates were there and we were talking and stuff. But then I got abandoned for a cooler classmate of mine so it was realistic x)

The second dream I actually made notes for at night so I wouldn’t forget what I dreamt, here are my notes.

“Dzentkanis tay sw7ft a6to verdeny anna mall pußi grandma house parrot spit cry”

So Anna was there, that’s nice x) Taylor Swift though? No idea. Grandma house. I’m trying to think I think it was about selling my grandma’s house and it being empty but I’m not entirely sure. Anyway I do remember that in this dream I went back to my high school but it was much bigger and on this huge area where it had like a uni part and like, it was an entire campus right. And I wanted to find our tableau and my form master’s photo was like covered with a black cloth. And before that I think I dreamt of another funeral and people were placing these wreaths on this huge monument which was supposed to be his grave… I don’t fucking know.

And I was inside the buildings and I think I wanted to find my teachers or at least the old building that I went to and had to walk around the whole thing cause I kept losing my way. And there was this tiny dude, student, person, who was walking around with me.

And then I was in my house and there was a moth on the wall and it was huge and it kept turning its head towards me and imitating a parrot. (The idea was that some insects can camouflage so they look like other things, like that owl butterfly or whatever, now this one kept turning its head into a parrot head in front of my eyes it was Terrifying.) And it was also attacking me like spitting at me and stuff.

The third dream that was just now was a bit better. I actually messaged my classmate on Facebook to ask him about uni (is he even going anywhere? I know he got a degree… maybe I should stop being an anxious idiot and fucking ask, he liked my damn eye photo on instagram it’s not like he’s forgotten who I am since we last talked) and then asked him about the funeral and also if he could tell me afterwards where the grave is so I could visit it, and I shit you not…

Remember that dream of mine from not that long ago when it turned out my dad’s been alive all this time? Yeah, so my classmate asks “can he call you?” and in Hungarian that sentence could be finished to mean “can I call you?” so I was like what? Can… my form master call me? Cause I’ll be honest ever since we found out he died, and that was my first reaction too, I would absolutely accept if this was a really fucking dark prank on everybody. I would accept it in a heartbeat. Anyway that was my first thought there too like, I fucking knew it, he’s alive, he’s faked his death and he’s going to call me. But I didn’t want to be overzealous so I just told my classmate I’m more comfortable texting.

What a fucking mess.

And then I dreamt, which was the good part, that my sister and I went to Sziget festival (but it didn’t look like Sziget in my dream :() to see NBT and we saw Conor’s fucking bleached hair somewhere in the crowd so we started to follow him (no idea why, I wouldn’t do it irl) until eventually we lost him and then the concert started getting closer and we couldn’t find the stage and we had to walk around the entire festival and we even somehow left the area so we had to check in again and there was this huge ferris wheel and we just couldn’t find our way back to the festival, it was fucking awful! cause we couldn’t be frontrow!

Anyway in one of the windows of the buildings we passed by trying to get back to the festival we actually saw Conor, brown-haired again, and I was like wtf dude we’re going to your concert, why aren’t you there? And he was like “it’s cancelled again cause I’m not feeling too great mentally” and I was like “same”, and I like, patted his pinkie with my pinkie to comfort him, it was awkward.