Tag: i ramble

I started making a gifset like three days ago and I just stop and delete it like every twenty minutes, have an anxiety attack and then scavenge the remains from my recycle bin so if you ever see a really shitty gifset that I post in a few days then that means somehow I still pushed through and uh, made a thing.

Because I do admin for all our minimum wage employees I know that there are some who are Assholes and sign that they were here the whole day in the morning, then they go home, while there are employees with very difficult lives who can’t help but be problematic and sometimes I’d do them favours like give them free days off as long as the paperwork is fine and I always feel like Mr. Incredible when he helps the old lady in the beginning of the movie with her insurance.

Client *on the phone*: excuse me, I’m calling about a letter I received in the mail from your office.
Me: okay, what’s in the letter?
Client: that’s what I would like to know.
Me: the office sends a lot of letters every day, could you tell me if it was about taxes, about a certain case you have with our office…?
Client: I don’t know!
Me: well, can you tell me the name of the person who sent it?
Client: your office sent it, I’m telling you!
Me: we have several departments with several employees, the name of the employee who sent the letter should be on the bottom of the letter where they would’ve also signed it, if you can just tell me the name there I could tell you which department sent you the letter and redirect you to them for further information.
Client: well, I haven’t opened it yet.

I also realised something interesting in my stories. Or you know, the tendency is interesting that my stories rarely end with finality. Like they never get to a point where things are either a-ok or completely horrible. My stories always seem to end when things are put on the track and it can go either way from here, or at least most of them do.

Spoilers to whom it may concern but The Rains Come ends with them defeating the militia but the only plan is to make camp where they are, gather themselves and try to do something. Sure they have ideas and initiative and they seem organised but even the characters themselves are sure it will all fall apart in a few weeks.

In Static ends with the three characters coming to an agreement about what to do but you don’t know when it will happen if it will happen at all. It’s actually canon that it’s taken hundreds and hundreds of attempts just to get where the story begins.

The ending of Reminder is like that too because the last scene when Howard writes on the whiteboard you don’t know what it means just that it makes the ending of Leaper not final.

In a way the ending of July 14th is also like that because the story is still happening when it ends (I know, it’s weird, time travel is my thing) and now with Vale it’s like that too. Things are all put on track and in a classic movie you would see it flourish and "T E N   Y E A R S   L A T E R” you see them married with babies and jobs and everybody has their dreams fulfilled and that is not to say it doesn’t happen in these stories but you don’t know that. 

I hope it wouldn’t feel unfulfilling to people because to me it’s kind of cathartic that for the purposes of the novel the character’s story ends but it’s a reminder that the world will keep changing around them and so nothing that I could write, even if I wrote something definitive, will be final.

Unless I write that they lived happily ever after but I don’t do that.

okay google what to do if youre a creator but your mental illness stops you from creating and youre also jealous of other people who can create even with mental illnesses and you know the only thing you can do is to push through and create but you cant and that makes you so jealous of people who can that it double paralyses you and makes you seethe with rage and disappointment in yourself but then you remember that your creations werent getting attention back when you did create so you decide its got no point anyway WHAT THEN GOOGLE?!?!? WHAT THEN!?!?!?!