this was quite literally the worst thing that’s ever happened to me (outside stuff like, death of a family member, im not fucking kidding you. ive had four surgeries, three of those were Very Serious and those didnt scare me this much).

im still shaking and my throat hurts from crying and freaking out to my sister on the phone but dammit this is my blog and i will panic about it here too.

so i came home from work and i put down my bags and immediately i went to feed the dog outside i just came in and i just put down the empty bowl in the kitchen and i was either leaving the kitchen or going back in i cant remember when i saw movement under one of the cabinets we have. it has a low bottom, like its probably only high enough that my clenched fist would fit under it.

i stopped in the kitchen door and stared at where i saw the movement and when it moved again i recognised the movement of when a frog moves forward a little and drags its hind leg (im having shivers just remembering this) so i freaked out and slammed the kitchen door behind me (except the door stopper got caught between the door and the whatever, the step, the whatever that thing, the doorstep so it didnt close entirely but i didnt even think about opening it again jesus anyway.) 

I was FReaking out, full on panic attack im not exaggerating then i called my sister who was still at work i guess and i dont remember much from the conversation but i wa shvaing a panic atack in the phone and she was trying to calm me down. after like 15 minutes i came to the realisation that my mum wasnt home my grandparents werent home (they live across the street) i had nobody to help me except my uncle and aunt who live a few houses away from me.

so i decided to get their help so i took down the thing that keeps mosquitos out off the kitchen window and jumped out but also realised that because our main door, the entrance door is loose and opens even to the wind, we close it with a key every time we close it, if we’re inside or outside or going back and forth, we turn the key, its a reflex. miracle didnt happen, i checked and saw i didnt forget to lock it, so i had to crawl back in, spend another five minutes on the phone with my sister then psyching myself up to leave the kitchen and go to the door and unlock it. i did that, it was very scary.

i tried to calm down a bit afterwards and walked to my aunt’s store to explain to her. they’re kinda fancy, that side of the family, my uncle is a representative at the office where i work and he’s an architect so he’s quite rich and my aunt hasnt worked much in her life but she’s had businesses and like small jobs and went to courses and not that long ago she opened a handmade goodies store near where they live. they are well off. i actually like them (her more than my uncle tbh) and though we are close im not personally super close with them. i do know i could count on them in an emergency like, a normal, non-phobia emergency too.

so my aunt said she would send over my uncle in a bit and she was nice so i came back and opened the entrance door and then put my dog on a leash so he doesn’t attack my uncle and then sat down in the grass and talked to the dog and called my mum and posted on tumblr. oh and also somehow gathered the courage to go inside the house and close all the doors to the rooms. cause it was in like this entry room that you step inside when you enter our house, and four doors open to four different rooms from there. so.

in about half an hour my uncle and my cousin (his oldest daughter who’s like two years older than me) came over and my uncle laughed at me being stuck outside (not maliciously but in more of an amused way) and I explained stuff to them and then my cousin found the frog near the coat hanger thingy, which is right by the kitchen door so it means i walked past it several times hahhahahahhaa

anyway i gave them a broom and a thingy, aaaaaa whatshisfuck. google translate’s failing me. Its when youre sweeping dust and you sweep the dust into it and then pour it into the bin, that thing.

and he got it and threw it into the backyard. i saw its butt hanging out, i was right when i saw it first, it was kinda white and spotty, i think it was a toad but if i think more about it or keep picturing it im gonna get sick.

i thanked them and called my sister again and texted my mum and went over all the rooms though ill go over them again soon just in case. the big thing will be convincing my mum not to open the front door again in the morning or in the evening. thats when it came in ,when we opened it to let some air in. its so hot but im so scared.

im very shakey right now and still very upset im exhausted as fuck from the panic attack and my voice is gone from crying so much. then my grandma called me who’s on a holiday hence them not being at home, so yay x) timing.

anyway this was the worst and now im very very upset so. i think ill blog from the dark for the rest of the day and try to calm down. i love you all bye