I only worked out once this week because I just have no spACE I just have no goddamned space I’m so pissed because of it. Alright so… I was 79.4 last week. Obviously the minimum is 78.4… which I don’t feel like I’m gonna hit… but it’d be still nice. 78kg would be ideal… I’m just kinda disheartened atm.
Sunday edit: ok I’m 77.6kg no need to panic lol. Imma eat the biggest hamburger in a few minutes lol good job me.
Hello, I’m Tired #8
So this Sunday marks two months since I started this diet and let me tell you. It sure is effective (though I haven’t weighed myself when I’m writing this). A few good things is that my relationship with food remains unchanged: I don’t see food as the enemy and I only rarely see people who try to get me to eat more as the enemy x) Getting an eating disorder isn’t what I was trying to achieve with this, obviously, so that’s good.
But this week was so incredibly trying and exhausting that I just can’t bring myself to write a big summary of my first two months. So like. It’s bad. Don’t do it. I’m only doing it because I’m really stupid.
Monday: 677 calories (started the day with an ice coffee, what do you know) Tuesday: 613 calories (i forgot to have breakfast and only ate soup for dinner) Wednesday: 722 calories (the tasty water i had that day had calories in it so, unfortunate) Thursday: 622 calories (im hungry, thanks) Friday: 673 calories (i had some apple juice, unfortunate) Saturday: 632 calories (i made the mistake of having a cappuccino)
Alright, no gif cause I’m angry, I’m at 79.4kg which means I only lost 1kg last week which is the least I’ve lost in a week so now I’m angry. I was supposed to have a hamburger today but the place only opens at 10AM so that’s a sign that I’m not gonna fuckin have a hamburger today :[
I’m also gon’ go back to working out every day. Cause idk if I said it already but I was skipping every other day this week but apparently it don’t work so…
/sad
I should’ve known, this whole week was cursed nothing good happened so idk why I expected better. Anyway next week’s gonna be like this too cause I’m gonna have so much work to do I’m going to die so I might as well use Hell Week 2.0 to pick up the pace out of pure angst.
All of My Clothes Are Big For Me Now and That’s Both Awesome and Really Not Cool #7
My co-worker was like “oooh you gotta get a new wardrobe now” and I’m like ????? last time I bought clothes was three years ago unless you wanna bump me higher on the payroll I don’t fucking think so. Though I have to admit my jeans look ridiculous on me but they’re the only pair I have so… x)
So this week I’m gonna do something I haven’t researched which will probably end catastrophically but that’s basically how I do anything in my life so it shouldn’t be anything new. Since on Saturday I doubled my exercise I want to keep that going. The usual routine isn’t exactly a challenge anymore but I also don’t feel like it’s taking me anywhere further so I want to just double the whole thing (except for the situps because 300 situps is doable but just fucking absurd, so let’s leave that at 200).
Thursday edit: actually I’ve been dropping dumbbell lunges because I’m just so exhausted every day I can’t bring myself to do them. I hope my thigh exerciser comes quickly and I can do thigh exercises from a lying down position. Damn you, spine injury! Plus I’ve been doing reverse curls as well and it’s crazy how much they switch the emphasis to your forearms, it’s delicious.
Also I don’t wanna brag but my biceps are loookkkkking goooood. They’re not really biceps for now it’s more like a sigle cep. But it pumps like crazy.
This week I’m on my period so I’ve been more strict with calories, I enter more than I actually eat so I don’t overeat while I’m shedding my insides through my vagenda, thanks.
Monday – 641 calories (I had scrambled egg whites and they were disgustinnggg I couldn’t even eat all of it) Tuesday – 677 calories (I allowed myself the luxury of two pieces of salami) Wednesday – 653 calories (idk why people are shitting on kale, it’s fucking awesome and you can eat like forty pounds of it!) Thursday – 651 calories (meat continues to betray me) Friday – 674 calories (i had like a single broccoli thing for lunch so I allowed myself the luxury of a soda again) Saturday – 542 calories (ahh the wonders of sleeping in and only eating scrambled eggs and fucking bread crumbs)
On Friday and Saturday I fucking skipped workout altogether even though my thigh exerciser came in the mail. I’m constantly tired and in pain, on Friday because I had a bus ride and on Saturday because I was tidying my room up for hours. I’m not happy with this and I’m very disappointed in myself. The goal tomorrow would be below 81.5 because then I’d be super motivated to work out even more next week to finally reach below 80 for the first time in four and a half years!!
…
Drumrollllllllllll
Okay no worries I’m 80.4kg
two days skipping workout cause im too tired hahhahaha this is fine :’D if im not below 81.5kg tomorrow im going to scream at my own asshole
I’m ready for the Sweet Release #6
This week is hard but not because of the diet or the workout but because of my mental state which is not ideal. It’s really hard to get myself to move when I’m hungry and sad but so far I haven’t skipped a day of workout which is still something to be proud of. (Edit from Saturday: How fucking ironic huh… -.-) Also I eat when I’m stressed and I have more than enough reasons to be stressed the fuck out right now so triple props for my steel willpower. Also I have to remind myself that I’m very close to dipping below 80kg for the first time in like… four years which I hope will just give me another confidence boost.
I wish I could try running but my anxiety is keeping me inside which is #sad. My cousin actually goes for a run regularly but her laps around the village are way too huge so even though I would love to go with her I’ve also seen her run and I’d just slow her down so it’s a big no-no. Still I wonder how I’d do at running now that I’ve built the tiniest bit of stamina even though it would kill my spine. I also want to do more dumbbell lunges cause I feel like I can but my heart speeds up so crazy fast I’m scared to do more than 30 :[
Also I should drink way more than I do. I drink criminally little, I should be locked up and forced to drink water all day. Sorry, mum!
Monday – 613 calories (chicken is so good for proteins bruh) Tuesday – 641 calories (i ate a greek yoghurt and it was nothing special) Wednesday – 657 calories (fIESH) Thursday – 579 calories (i was v high and laughed through my whole workout routine AND skipped dumbbell lunges cause i just couldnt) Friday – 760 calories (i dont know exactly because the salad i had isnt like… i dont have the details for it but :[[[[ im also skipping workout today because im very much in pain a lot) Saturday – 681 calories, also doubled all my workout since I skipped it yesterday (I might still do another set later in the evening to Satisfy Myself, that fucking salad yesterday tasted like GUILT) so that’s 50 squats, 300 situps, 100 curls, 60 dumbbell lunges, 50 squats again (x 1.5 if I do another one later but honestly my legs are trembling so probably not x)) (edit: i didn’t x) I might do a double today again just to even it out)
So I was 84kg last time so obviously at least 83kg is the goal, but if I could mosey closer to a 82.5kg that’d really fuckin…. man, that’d really activate my dopamine receptors.
AND NOW
the results….
82.6kg o/
That’s a whopping 1.4kg gone since last week which is Neat.
I’m gonna completely skip workout for the first time since I started my diet because today has been so long and I’m so tired and in pain and I need someone to tell me that it’s okay and I’m not horrible :[
SQUASH! Week #5
(Edit: Initially I had a different title for this week’s summary but then I made a good decision. And ate a lot of squash.)
Well this week is starting out shite. I know I gotta be patient with the arm workout and it might take longer than two weeks to see any change but it’s disheartening to see how weak I am in my arms still. On Tuesday I gave up pushup training because it’s too hard on my spine and well, I don’t want to fully cripple myself just yet. I’m doing chest presses now for 30 minutes which is not even nearly as effective but at least I feel like I’m going something. Also tried doing 30 dumbbell lunges instead of 15 and sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t. Idk if dumbbell lunges are supposed to be cardio but it gets my fucking heart going like a Bitch.
Ideally I’ll be under 85kg this Sunday (btw I’m writing these updates throughout the week so don’t be confused that the beginning of the post sounds like the beginning of the week and the end is on Sunday) so I did some calculating and ideally I’d be 80kg on October 13th, 75kg on November 17th, 70kg on December 22nd (just in time for Christmas yay? this is gonna be a sad Christmas x)) and then I’ll see how I like that and if I don’t I’ll try to go for 65kg in January.
I also gave some thought to bouncing back, obviously don’t want my body to think once it hit the ideal weight it can just hold on to any odd calorie I give it so I want to gradually increase my daily intake until I reach a good 1500 calories a day (say increase my daily intake by 200calories every month and monitor how my body likes it). But that’s still far away.
I’m looking into other exercises I could do and excuse me but what the fuck is a burpee? Just call it what it really is, a négyütemű fekvőtámasz.
Also this Sunday I’m gonna have spaghetti!
Monday – 618 calories (didn’t have dinner, yoghurt tasted like shit) Tuesday – 707 calories (i had a whole kinder maxi king!!! ♥♥) Wednesday – 697 calories (chickennnnn) Thursday – 688 calories (im tireddddd. also chickennnn) Friday – 646 calories (squash is a beautiful thing. also it was really hard to work out today cause i was Medicated. not in the weed way but the pleasantly tingly and then insanely numb due to painkillers way.) Saturday – 658 calories (SQUASH) see I haven’t eaten below 600 calories this week, I’m good!
Also out of curiosity I thought I’d see how much I’ve eaten every week on average so far. Week 1: 1198kcal/day (8391/week) Week 2: 908kcal/day (6358/week) Week 3: 722kcal/day (5055/week) Week 4: 733kcal/day (5137/week) are you kidding me I felt like I ate super little that week o_o Week 5: 712kcal/day (4990/week) #ideal (that is if I can keep below 1000 calories today x))
For some reason I feel like I didn’t lose any weight this week. I don’t know it’s just not… visible, ya know? Idk either way let’s… let’s fucking see huh…
84kg! o/ Or rather… well at first it showed 83.6kg but then it showed 84 too and then 83.6 again on multiple occasions but I refuse to believe I lost more than 2kg in one week. Imma say I probably had a miscalculation like last week or something and I’ll roll with 84kg which means I almost lost 10kg since my starting point (93.3kg).
That’s pretty good I guess ayyyyyyy o/
i havent worked out while being off my tits on painkilelrs but i guess theres a first time for everytthing
I Haven’t Eaten Bread in Four Weeks #4
A bitch misses her sandwiches you know what I mean?
I haven’t had many revelations this week, other than the fact that I found this lemon-tasting sparkling water (technically not lemonade) that’s like 1 calorie a glass so I can finally drink something that has taste *-* Workout-wise I’ve been doing the 150 sit-ups, 2×25 curls, 2×15 dumbbell lunges, then since Wednesday I’ve been topping it off with 25 squats and raised the curls to 30, that’s basically it.
A co-worker of mine recommended I get an exercise ball but the problem is I don’t know where it would fit in the house. There’s so little floor space in all of the rooms I don’t think I could utilise it anywhere. I’m already worried where I’m gonna lay down the yoga mat I bought last week.
Anyway, other than that I expect to be below 86kg but I’ll try not to get too into that fantasy just yet x) It’s reasonable, I’d only need to drop 1.3kg from last Sunday (which was 1.4kg away from the Sunday before but I’ll admit last week was very harsh) but I’ll be satisfied if I have my steady 1kg a week progress (and I don’t know how I’ll react if I don’t, stay tuned for that trainwreck good gOD).
Monday: 759 calories (three words… fucking tuna salad) Tuesday: 599 calories (I don’t know what happened I had four meals that day) Wednesday: 760 calories (and I’m sad to say 250 of those were an ice coffee) Thursday: 699 calories (69 is the sex number. also yay for beetroot & carrots) Friday: 594 calories (I had some hot choclety milk!) Saturday: 639 calories (bananananana, I also upped it to 50 curls and added a weird pushup training that’s not technically a pushup but should help you get in shape to be able to do pushups so that’s the basic idea, ya bitch wants to do pushups ya feel?)
Tomorrow I’m gonna get a Sandwich *_* (And ice coffee! Wheeeee!)
A moment of silence for what happens if the scales don’t say at least 86.3kg…….
Drrrrrrrrrrrumroll please o/
86kg!!!! That is indeed 1.3kg less than last week.
<dance to mic drop while changing to workout clothes> <actually get exhausted by the time you’re changed and “ready” to work out>
Pass Through Fire 