cheeto-anaconda:

• thinks he’s in hell because he put almond milk in his coffee
• once had a panic attack at a make your own sundae bar
• “exploring makes me nervous”
• has what doctors call ‘directional insanity”
• once got lost on an escalator
• “I am VEXED, eleanor!!!”
• (after eleanor and tahani confess their love to him within 30 seconds of each other) “I need to step outside for some air…and I will not be back…for many days” [runs tf away]
• (about a clown mural) “well, that’s terrifying”
• “i love you too, egg!”
• spent an entire recess as an ~8 year old debating the sexist ramifications of whether or not he picked a girl for his team and acknowledged his “limited male perspective”
• when he thought he wouldn’t have a soulmate in the afterlife: “my soulmate will be books”
• “i have a stomach ache” (and variations thereof)
• “just mulling the ethical ramifications of various soups”
• (after being asked if he likes france) “well, they enslaved my country for 300 years, so no.”
• “i’m not going to have sex with someone to get them to stop talking to me!!!”
• ”we’re gonna have assignments and quizzes and papers. it’s gonna be so much fun!!!”
• was haunted for years by the fact that he lied to his friend about liking his ugly boots
• clearly has a clinical disorder which makes it nearly impossible for him to make simple decisions like which soup to eat at dinner, and yet he never once hesitates to help eleanor even when his immortal soul is at stake (thatslovebitch.gif)

the list could go on