Aries: Rip a guy’s heart out with your bare hand while your best friend makes it rain 10 million dollars
Taurus: Slap your friend’s ass because a dead CEO possessed your robotic arm
Gemini: Just scoop that general’s eyeball out with a spork. Just fucking do it.
Cancer: Blow a crime lord’s head off while cool sunglasses fall from the sky and onto your face in a freezeframe
Leo: Serious finger-gun shootout with all of the Hyperion accounting team
Virgo: Bro that’s bro bro for bro bro bro bro bro bro bro bro bro bro bro bro
Libra: Get arrested for shooting a diamond pony statue at a VIP tour and then watch it bleed
Scorpio: Here’s a tiny broken flying and perpetually screaming robot that can shock people and then die, have fun
Sagittarius: That’s it. Peel that face off like a serial killer. You’re sick.
Capricorn: Escape certain death via contact-activated-dopamine-injecting CEO wheely chair
Aquarius: Order a robot to push over an Atlas statue by its butt cheeks
Pisces: All the money you saved for the Mystery Vault Hunter is for Claptrap