“I can feel my muscles
tense up in panic but I somehow will my face to let out a smile. I can only
hope I don’t look totally constipated.”

Finally I’ve reached absolute writerhood, when I truly write what I know.

ill say this tho. jay from lucid isnt me and the relationships she has dont mirror my relationships but i do put so much of my thoughts and experiences in her and make her word them in ways i havent even talked about them with myself and its kind of cathartic. but maybe this works? cause i think im a piece of shit but jay is amazing and i want to protect her so maby eprojecting isnt such a bad thign right now.

Lucid playlist, wheeeeeeee

Without linking and stuff cause I’m way too nervous about midnight to be looking for songs on youtube and shit. This playlist is also known as the Nothing But Thieves/twenty one pilots/Imagine Dragons discographies. 

01 twenty one pilots: Migraine
am i the only one i know
waging my wars behind my face and above my throat
shadows will scream that i’m alone
but i know we’ve made it this far, kid

02 Kesha: Bastards
don’t let the bastards get you down, oh no
don’t let the assholes wear you out 

03 Nothing But Thieves: Soda
i don’t wanna be myself, it’s making me so unwell
i don’t wanna be myself, just wanna be someone else

04 Imagine Dragons: Monster
i’m taking a stand to escape what’s inside me
a monster, a monster, i’ve turned into a monster
a monster, a monster and it keeps getting stronger

05 Nothing But Thieves: Get Better
am i gonna get better, better?
because this feels like this might last forever
will i ever get better?
war is raging in my head, don’t know which side wants me dead
even if i’ve lost the fight you should’ve seen the other guy 

06 Sia: I’m In Here
i need you to hold
all of the sadness i can not
living inside of me 

07 Elvis Presley: Can’t Help Falling In Love (shutupppp it makes sense)
take my hand
take my whole life too
for i can’t help falling in love with you 

08 Nothing But Thieves: Particles – Piano Version
my mind plays tricks
and i don’t sleep no more
doctor, please
can’t switch off

09 twenty one pilots: Truce
the sun will rise
and we will try again

10 Florence + the Machine: Wish That You Were Here
and i never minded being on my own
then something broke in me and i wanted to go home
to be where you are 

11 dodie: Secret For the Mad
you’re at the bottom, this is it
just get through, you will be fixed
and you think that i don’t get it
but i burned my way through and i don’t regret it 

12 Kesha: Rainbow
i can’t lose hope
what’s left of my heart’s still made of gold 

13 Imagine Dragons: It Comes Back to You
it comes back to you, it comes back to you
all the things that you had lost will find their way to you

14 Walk the Moon: One Foot
cross my heart and hope to die, taking this one step at a time
i got your back if you got mine, oh, one foot in front of the other 

15 Bastille: The Anchor
you’re the anchor that i tie to my brain
cause when it feels when i’m lost at sea
you’re the song i sing again and again 

16 Don Diablo: What We Started
i’m takin’ every chance i get
to make us who you won’t forget 

17 Cold War Kids: Can We Hang On?
if you’re dying to live
if you want to know the secret, hang on