I mean, it seems pretty obvious when you put it like that, right?
But how many families, when an introvert sibling or child makes an effort to socialize, snarkily say, “So, you’ve decided to join us”?
Or when someone does something they’ve had trouble doing, say, “Why can’t you do that all the time?” (Happened to me, too often.)
Or any sentence containing the word “finally”.
If someone makes a step, a small step, in a direction you want to encourage, encourage it. Don’t complain about how it’s not enough. Don’t bring up previous stuff. Encourage it.
Because I swear to fucking god there is nothing more soul-killing, more motivation-crushing, than struggling to succeed and finding out that success and failure are both punished.
this is the main thing that stops me from progressing in life. anything i do in the house, or even going outside, is a snark remark. it makes all my hard work leading to that moment all for nothing. it’s so defeating.
This is actually a well-researched phenomenon. Among, for instance, people struggling with substance abuse, those who start to do BETTER often get hit with the rebound anger from their family.
(I saw this very often at the therapeutic school I attended for three years).
“When I ask you if you want to do something, you know it’s always okay to say no, right?”
“Let me know if you get uncomfortable, okay?”
“How do you feel about (x activity)?”
(When someone’s insecure about having said no and asks if it’s okay/if you’re mad or upset they said no) “I’m disappointed, of course, but I’m really glad you were willing to tell me (no/that you were uncomfortable/etc.). That’s really important to me. Thank you.”
“I’d ALWAYS rather be told no than make you feel pressured or do anything to hurt you or make you uncomfortable.”
“I care about you, so when something I do hurts you or makes you uncomfortable, I want to know, because I don’t like making you feel bad.”
“Wanna do (x)? It’s okay if not, but I think it would be (fun/worthwhile/prudent).”
(When starting a social phone call): “Hey, are you busy right now?”
(When confirming plans made earlier): “Hey, are you still up for doing (x) at (time) on (day)?”
“Can I vent a little about (x)?”
“Can I tell you something (gross/depressing)?”
“Are you comfortable talking about it?”
“Do you think you could talk me through this problem I’ve been having? If you have the time and emotional energy of course.”
“It’s okay if that doesn’t work for you.”
“I’m interested in spending more time with you. Would you be interested in doing (x) together on (y day)?”
“No? Well let me know if you ever want to do something else.” (leave it open! don’t nag! let it go!)
Consent culture – it’s about way more than just sex!
Givepeople as much freedom as possible to make their own choices without pressure or control.
Even children deserve as much autonomy as allows them to remain safe and get their needs met – remember, you can’t train a child to make good/safe/healthy choices without ever giving them choices. A child who is taught to respect consent is a child who doesn’t assault people! A child who knows they have a right to say no is a child who knows that someone who infringes on their autonomy isn’t supposed to do that.
A consent-conscious relationship is a healthier and safer relationship, and a person who is aware of and deliberate about asking for, giving, receiving, refusing, and being refused consent is a healthier and safer person.
if a teenager is at your door and they are wearing a costume!! please give them candy!! they are still in it for the halloween spirit and it honestly no different from a little kid in a costume. they are just as excited and happy as all the other lil tykes and dont you dare tell them they are “too old for trick-or-treating” because that will literally break their hearts and that’s not cool.
Its getting close to Halloween again so I just thought I’d reblog this again
And if “don’t be rude to teenagers over a stupid jawbreaker” isn’t enough for you, consider
You can’t tell how old a kid is just by looking. I’ve known multiple 5th graders who were taller than I am, and I’m 25 years old. With their faces hidden by masks, you won’t be able to tell they’re elementary schoolers, but they still are.
Lots of older siblings are expected to take their younger siblings trick-or-treating, and they only get paid in candy.
You don’t know if that teenager is developmentally disabled.
You don’t know if that teenager spent most of their childhood in a hospital or sick and has never had the traditional trick-or-treat experience before.
You don’t know if this is that teenager’s first Halloween in America, and they just want to experience a piece of American culture.
You don’t know if that teenager ever gets candy any other day of the year.
You don’t know if that teenager has eaten anything at all today.
And those are just things I can think of off the top of my head.
and even if it is just a bored 16/17 year old out trying to see what free shit they can get. is it really gonna kill you to give them a fun sized milky way from the multipack you bought at poundland? That thing didn’t even cost you 5p, just give the kid the sugar, say “nice costume”, and let it go.
If you are considering meeting up with someone online use this trick identify who really are who they claim to be:
1. Ask them to Skype 2. If they refuse or can’t for some reason ask for a current selfie 3. If they also refuse or can’t do not meet up with them 4. If they provide one ask them to send another with them holding 3 fingers up 5. If they refuse read step 3 6. If they provide a selfie where they show 3 fingers they are probably for real
(If you’re still unconvinced try again with them drawing something in their hand)
I SAY THIS FOR YOUR OWN SAFETY please spread this message as more and more young people are lured out into situations where they get kidnapped because they weren’t 100% sure the person they were talking to was real.
ALSO IF YOU ARE UNDER THE AGE OF 18 MAKE SURE YOU STATE THE FOLLOWING:
“My [fill in trusted adult here] wants to come too. [pronoun] said we can do our own thing and [pronoun] will just sort of grab [pronoun] own table, but I wanted to let you know. Hey, if you have an adult coming too they could sit together!”
If hearing this freaks the other person out and they decline, TERMINATE ALL CONTACT. Do not pass go, do not collect $200, go directly to block. I’m 26 years old and if you tell me you’re coming with a friend or parent for your own safety, I will automatically say “hey, cool. Y’know, if you’re nervous we can just do Starbucks or something, I’m okay meeting in a busy place. That way your [adult/friend] can hang out, too, and they don’t have to pay for [admission, a movie ticket, whatever].” Your safety and comfort is important to me, and is important to any good person you meet online who wants to meet up IRL. In the early 2000s when I first started seeing online safety PSAs, this was a widely-spread tip. Use it.
And for the record, you can use this over the age of 18, too. I still won’t meet people from online except in public places. You never know–that person holding up three fingers and drawing a Pokemon on their palm could be some pervert’s child, niece, nephew, family friend’s kid who was encouraged to take some silly pictures. Always voice-verify and always meet in public, with another person if possible.
Be smart and stay safe, kiddos. Nina loves you.
This is all so important for everyone and especially my younger followers.
Anyone who is being upfront with who they are and who you can trust will do whatever they need to do to make you and your parents/guardians comfortable. Hence why I am constantly requesting to too-busy-dancing13 to FaceTime her mom…
Please please please listen to this. Not everyone out there can be trusted.
And don’t just use three finger selfies that’s used a lot. Mix it up ask for the person holding a fork or a paper with a certain word written on it. Stay safe ppl
Another important one I feel the need to mention cause it wasn’t covered; If you’re under 18 as well and the person advises against you talking about them to their parents or guardians, get the fuck out of there. They’ll try and convince you otherwise, but trust me; anyone who is against you telling your parents about them is bad fucking news.
Ask them for their real name and address. Try and verify it prior to a meeting (for example by sending physical mail.)
Always meet in a public place.
Always tell someone where and when the meeting is taking place and text that person regularly. Let them know if you move venues and call them after the meeting to let them know you’re on your way home.
On the first few meetings, do not change to a private setting (don’t get in their car, don’t go to their/your home)
This isn’t even just about protecting yourself from predators, moral support might also be needed. When I was 16, a friend went to meet a boy she met online. When he didn’t show, my mom and I went to meet her. Turned out he came, saw her and left. He later texted her she was too ugly, so my mom and I were there to comfort her.
cancelled in 2017: cheating, side ho culture, bragging about fucking someone elses partner
hot trends for 2017: being faithful, getting engaged and/or married, respecting peoples relationships, and also beating up bitches who think being a side chick is cool and fun
Pass Through Fire 