Tag: i ramble

tried to watch deadpool 2 last night, gave up at around 8pm, fell asleep in my clothes, woke up at 1am to put my laptop away from my bed and fall asleep without changing again, woke up again at 6am, thought i was awake enough to get up then fell asleep until 9am again anyway good morning

i mean its clear that one of the reasons im so unhappy is because i dont belong here but maybe i dont belong anywhere, you know? i cant imagine theres happiness out there for me. or just anywhere i can feel at peace. i dont think im made to be among people i dont think im made to fit anywhere in this world

All of My Clothes Are Big For Me Now and That’s Both Awesome and Really Not Cool #7

My co-worker was like “oooh you gotta get a new wardrobe now” and I’m like ????? last time I bought clothes was three years ago unless you wanna bump me higher on the payroll I don’t fucking think so. Though I have to admit my jeans look ridiculous on me but they’re the only pair I have so… x)

So this week I’m gonna do something I haven’t researched which will probably end catastrophically but that’s basically how I do anything in my life so it shouldn’t be anything new. Since on Saturday I doubled my exercise I want to keep that going. The usual routine isn’t exactly a challenge anymore but I also don’t feel like it’s taking me anywhere further so I want to just double the whole thing (except for the situps because 300 situps is doable but just fucking absurd, so let’s leave that at 200).

Thursday edit: actually I’ve been dropping dumbbell lunges because I’m just so exhausted every day I can’t bring myself to do them. I hope my thigh exerciser comes quickly and I can do thigh exercises from a lying down position. Damn you, spine injury! Plus I’ve been doing reverse curls as well and it’s crazy how much they switch the emphasis to your forearms, it’s delicious.

Also I don’t wanna brag but my biceps are loookkkkking goooood.
They’re not really biceps for now it’s more like a sigle cep. But it pumps like crazy.

This week I’m on my period so I’ve been more strict with calories, I enter more than I actually eat so I don’t overeat while I’m shedding my insides through my vagenda, thanks.

Monday – 641 calories (I had scrambled egg whites and they were disgustinnggg I couldn’t even eat all of it)
Tuesday – 677 calories (I allowed myself the luxury of two pieces of salami)
Wednesday – 653 calories (idk why people are shitting on kale, it’s fucking awesome and you can eat like forty pounds of it!)
Thursday – 651 calories (meat continues to betray me)
Friday – 674 calories (i had like a single broccoli thing for lunch so I allowed myself the luxury of a soda again)
Saturday – 542 calories (ahh the wonders of sleeping in and only eating scrambled eggs and fucking bread crumbs)

On Friday and Saturday I fucking skipped workout altogether even though my thigh exerciser came in the mail. I’m constantly tired and in pain, on Friday because I had a bus ride and on Saturday because I was tidying my room up for hours. I’m not happy with this and I’m very disappointed in myself. The goal tomorrow would be below 81.5 because then I’d be super motivated to work out even more next week to finally reach below 80 for the first time in four and a half years!!

…

Drumrollllllllllll

Okay no worries I’m 80.4kg