i ramble – Page 22 – Pass Through Fire

Me: *sings And the Day Goes On all day*
Me: why is this song playing in my head all day?
Me: …
Me: *starts making fart noises to the rhythm of the song*
Co-worker: what’s wrong with you?
Me: …so much

on that note matt has his pronouns in his bio and i know its a thing a lot of people are doing but aw i do love him

I dreamt that I was part of some experiment that like simulated being on the Moon, and it was for a bunch of tiny kindergarten kids and we were in a “spaceship” and then it said we landed on the Moon and my sister was there and when we landed we had to act like we were from the Moon and then the kids made friends with us and thought we were Moon aliens and I got a nice flower from a little girl.

It was nice and weird.

I really do need to ask the band who picked the songs for the pre-show mixtape because Losing My Religion, Sweet Dreams, Gimme Gimme Gimme, and Boney M’s Rasputin, um let me tell you, fucking slap, my dudes.

Also hey I got a high-five for being bisexual lol.
No for real we met this Russian girl in Vienna and she asked me about my pin and I was like ooooh shitttttt and then just said it was the bi pride flag and she high-fived me and said she was asexual.

I’m not fucking with you I wanted to cry.
Is this what real happiness feels like? *-*

I’M BACK HOME

Holy shit.

Most exhausting days. Ever. BUT SO GOOD. Also some shit went down, I’m not going to deny. But all y’all gotta know is Editors was ABSOLUTELY fantastic both times (especially fantastic the second time) and I had a lovely lovely birthday with some lovely lovely friends ♥♥

Also yes.

Yes.

Hold up.

I haven’t slept in like uh… 28 hours and my brain is turning into mashpotatoes but.

Listen…

They played No Sound But the Wind.

Yall wanna guess who just got one and a half hours of sleep?

You know when you’re so tired you transcend exhaustion and go straight to this numb, white noise in your brain as you autopilot through the days?

In 2015 when I went to see Editors in Barba Negra in Budapest I found an abandoned paper on the ground while waiting in front row that seemed to be like, a schedule for the Editors crew about set-up, soundcheck, whatever, and it also had the club’s wifi password on it too so naturally I signed in and used it cause why not.

So I was there yesterday seeing Kensington and my phone immediately connected to the wifi x) The friend I was with was like “oooh what’s the password” and I still got no idea but my phone remembers it x)

Do you know how like…….. most of the confidence-y boosty things are about like… accepting yourself and being shamelessly yourself and standing up to anyone who might want to stop you or make you ashamed of who you are and I could never quite relate to that because… I can’t accept myself and I can’t shamelessly be myself because I’m nothing. I don’t have dreams, I don’t have ambitions, the only hint of a personality I have is patchworks of fictional characters so it’s like… nobody’s really attacking me. I don’t have to defend myself and brave any weather cause there is none. I just am. And what I am is nothing. There’s nothing to be about me. Even if I loved myself I’d still be nothing and I’d still be going nowhere. You know?