Tag: i ramble

SQUASH! Week #5

(Edit: Initially I had a different title for this week’s summary but then I made a good decision. And ate a lot of squash.)

Well this week is starting out shite. I know I gotta be patient with the arm workout and it might take longer than two weeks to see any change but it’s disheartening to see how weak I am in my arms still. On Tuesday I gave up pushup training because it’s too hard on my spine and well, I don’t want to fully cripple myself just yet. I’m doing chest presses now for 30 minutes which is not even nearly as effective but at least I feel like I’m going something. Also tried doing 30 dumbbell lunges instead of 15 and sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t. Idk if dumbbell lunges are supposed to be cardio but it gets my fucking heart going like a Bitch.

Ideally I’ll be under 85kg this Sunday (btw I’m writing these updates throughout the week so don’t be confused that the beginning of the post sounds like the beginning of the week and the end is on Sunday) so I did some calculating and ideally I’d be 80kg on October 13th, 75kg on November 17th, 70kg on December 22nd (just in time for Christmas yay? this is gonna be a sad Christmas x)) and then I’ll see how I like that and if I don’t I’ll try to go for 65kg in January.

I also gave some thought to bouncing back, obviously don’t want my body to think once it hit the ideal weight it can just hold on to any odd calorie I give it so I want to gradually increase my daily intake until I reach a good 1500 calories a day (say increase my daily intake by 200calories every month and monitor how my body likes it). But that’s still far away.

I’m looking into other exercises I could do and excuse me but what the fuck is a burpee? Just call it what it really is, a négyütemű fekvőtámasz.

Also this Sunday I’m gonna have spaghetti!

Monday – 618 calories (didn’t have dinner, yoghurt tasted like shit)
Tuesday – 707 calories (i had a whole kinder maxi king!!! ♥♥)
Wednesday – 697 calories (chickennnnn)
Thursday – 688 calories (im tireddddd. also chickennnn)
Friday – 646 calories (squash is a beautiful thing. also it was really hard to work out today cause i was Medicated. not in the weed way but the pleasantly tingly and then insanely numb due to painkillers way.)
Saturday – 658 calories (SQUASH)
see I haven’t eaten below 600 calories this week, I’m good!

Also out of curiosity I thought I’d see how much I’ve eaten every week on average so far. 
Week 1: 1198kcal/day (8391/week)
Week 2: 908kcal/day (6358/week)
Week 3: 722kcal/day (5055/week)
Week 4: 733kcal/day (5137/week) are you kidding me I felt like I ate super little that week o_o
Week 5: 712kcal/day (4990/week) #ideal (that is if I can keep below 1000 calories today x))

For some reason I feel like I didn’t lose any weight this week. I don’t know it’s just not… visible, ya know? Idk either way let’s… let’s fucking see huh…

84kg! o/ Or rather… well at first it showed 83.6kg but then it showed 84 too and then 83.6 again on multiple occasions but I refuse to believe I lost more than 2kg in one week. Imma say I probably had a miscalculation like last week or something and I’ll roll with 84kg which means I almost lost 10kg since my starting point (93.3kg).

That’s pretty good I guess ayyyyyyy o/

image

i just feel like its so much more difficult since i didnt go to a therapist when i should’ve. i spent the last ten years therapising myself, discussing my issues with myself, ive got to conclusions i wouldve if id gone to a therapist, ive done a lot of things wrong, im handling a lot of things in the wrong way, i just feel like, its like…

how do i explain this, its like if you broke your ankle and tried to fix it by yourself and then after like five years of walking on a fucked up ankle you finally went to see a doctor. theres a lot of shit there, you feel? like your ankle isnt broken the way it was before but youve definitely done a lot of shit to it that you werent supposed to just so you could still walk to some distances and you adapted to having to walk on a broken ankle and its working, kinda, but its still not ideal, obviously, but the doctor will have to treat it differently than a straight up freshly broken bone. and so my fear is that when i go to the doctor they like give me advice and treatment and talk like i just broke my ankle when i broke my ankle like years ago so i dont need to be explained what a broken ankle is like, i need someone to fix the mess that happened afterwards.

do you guys get what i mean or am i just stupid…

i put a yoghurt in the fridge last friday and since i didnt have dinner last night i brought an apple to work and thought id eat it with my yoghurt but someone FUCKING ATE MY YOGHURT. im a sweet potato and a protein shake away from doing the real iu diet 

dunno why my fucking coworker is rolling her eyes at me not remembering a paper she wrote in 2015 i wasnt even working in the position im working now back then why would i fucking care where she puts her shit

my work laptop has a problem where if no audio is being played on it for a while (on earphones) then the next time you start any audio for like two seconds it will play on the speakers before it switches to the earphones. i usually go around this by muting sound altogether, starting it, then after two seconds unmuting it. but uh sometimes i fucking forget and anyway this was like the fifth time in the past two weeks i managed to blast bts in the office at full volume.