tazdelightful:

Ways Taako has definitely cashed in on being a savior of all existence

– Sells the rights to his life story to multiple parties (you think he’d go exclusive? Psshh that’s how you limit your earning potential baby)

– There are a couple (movie? theater?) adaptations of the adventure starring Taako, but the agreement stipulates that the actor playing him must be less attractive than real Taako, and everyone else in the cast must be slightly less attractive than that actor

– Memoirs. Many of them. One for his childhood. One for the Stolen Century. One for the decade in Faerun. One just for Sizzle It Up with Taako. One for his life since. All dictated to several ghostwriters. All heavily embellished and often directly conflicting with historians’ accounts of the Story and Song (Lucretia is constantly getting letters from people asking whose record is more accurate, hers or Taako’s, and she wonders if this a form of revenge)

– Taako’s Book Club. It’s like Oprah’s Book Club. But they’re all Taako’s books.

– Taako and Garyl action doll playset, for the kiddies. Outfits sold separately

– People started wearing red robe-inspired fashion anyway, so Taako had an “official” clothing line created. People overheating wearing jackets on top of robes. EVERYONE is wearing red for years

– EXTREMELY litigious about protecting his intellectual property. You know that post about Taako suing babies that have been named after him? Someone find it for me and I will link to it

– Gets pulled over for speeding in his carriage all the time but no cop has the guts to ticket him (unless Kravitz or Ren is riding with, because they will insist that Taako be ticketed)

– It’s just a small facet of his whole food-and-lifestyle brand empire, but you know he has a meal prep subscription box, this is a McElroy property after all

Other things Taako has done with his success many have not heard about:

– The OG crew haven’t paid for a meal while out with Taako in years

– Scholarships for Taako’s school are basically handed out like candy

– Angus has a trust fund he doesn’t know about until he turns 18

– Magnus and Merle are so bad at promoting their own businesses that Taako has all but founded a marketing agency just to do most of the work for them (he gets a percentage, of course)

– On a whim, ordered Ren to purchase every orphanage in Neverwinter and “spruce ‘em up a little.” (Turns out several orphanages cost a lot to maintain. Invented and sold a dessert potion “Oops! All Keylime” to make up his losses)