As expected today was shite.
Went to the work get-together where I was in pain the whole time and even though I had minimal fun (like, I spent two hours walking up to the closest person I was on good terms with just so I wasn’t standing on my own) but then I had to start downing painkillers which made my head very blurry and I can’t even recall most things that happened. We played a game at one point, that was funny? But then the “office kids” (my co-workers’ children) like caught me by the playground where my bag was to take another painkiller and asked me to push them on the swingset and like, how do you explain to three kids that are already crawling all over the swingset and the slide that you need someone else to do it because you’re a cripple lol, like two of them even asked me why I’m so weak when I was doing my best to push them properly x) But like, we’re talking about 4 year olds okay x) So that pretty much killed me. After the games finished I found a bench that had a back, but I couldn’t lean on it because it was hard wood so I just leant forward on the table and put my head and arms down to sort of, take the pressure off of my back. Then two girls came over (one that works in our office and I really like, and another that works outside the office and I don’t really know but seems nice) and we like made small talk, but everyone that passed by asked if I was feeling sick and I was like ya my back hurts. Then this girl that was gonna give me a ride came over and said I look really pale and by then even talking hurt so I said yeah I’m feeling really bad and my back hurts, so the first office girl was like, should I give you a ride home? And I was like, yeah that’d be great, but like I was tearing up and the second girl was like “oh no, this much?” and I was like yeah… yeah a lot… from all the painkillers and being tired and in so much pain I was just crying and like my head wasn’t straight. I think I told my lady boss that I need to go but I don’t know what she answered. Then we talked about weird morbid death stuff in the car with the girl but it was nice I like her, so then I awkwardly patted her arm and thanked her for bringing me home.
Literally as soon as I entered the house I explained to my mum that I was in too much pain to stay there, put my bag down and lied down in the bed. That was around 11:20, I slept until 17:00.
I didn’t realise how bad I felt until I lied down like… I could feel my pulse in my spine.
Pass Through Fire 