OKAY BUT u know what really sucks………….. when ur simply a quiet person and u have to constantly hear ppl say “just get out of ur shell!!!!! let ur hair down once in a while!!! 🙂 dont be afraid to be you!!!! :)” like…………… i am being me………quiet ….. like……… thats me………..
I don’t know how to explain it but is it a Universal Bi Mood that when people assume you’re straight (as a woman) you just want to Aggressively Refuse that you’re even attracted to men at all? Like I’m not pretending to be gay or anything but just now I had a conversation with a co-worker who noted that my earrings look stupid (they look fantastic, by the way) and I said that I love long “hangy” things (it makes more sense in my mother tongue and is also subtle) and she laughed saying she also loves long things, undeniably referring to penises, and I am attracted to men, I am Very Bi thank you very much but in that moment I could barely hold back saying “well I don’t love those long things at all” as if I wasn’t, and ugh Straights.
Afterthought but i literally just got home from work and i had a whole ass of a week so this isnt coherent in any way (not unlike most things i write) but my main problem is that im sick, right. i know that. but how can you just go about your day when you’re sick, you have the option to appear as sick as you feel which is a no go because then you wont be able to get anything done, or you pretend, right. but even when i pretend i cant fully pass as normal because im simply not. so whenever i have to get stuff done im compelled to warn the people involved that im not exactly what you would call “normal”. its not so that they treat you differently or that they are nicer to you, its literally a warning id just love to prepare people to not expect me to be normal. and it sucks cause i cant do that because i cant put that on their shoulders, can i now? but subconsciously its also like me expecting some reassurance that im okay to go ahead and be in their space despite me not being normal. but like so many posts on tumblr like to tell me, my friends arent my therapists, i fucking know that, i cant expect them to pamper me and reassure me every step along the way that im not a burden (especially when i objectively am). its my responsibility to be as socially expectable as i can be because its my mess and nobody else should be punished or inconvenienced because i dont know how to sort my shit out.
i wish i was pretty-depressed and cute-depressed like those girls in those american movies id be so much easier to love.
would you guess that this all was triggered by me having to go home the same route another co-worker did today and me desperately trying to somehow make sure we dont leave work the same time so i dont have to be around her on our way home cause i literally dont know how to be with people?
you wouldnt!
the problem with “depression isn’t being sad all the time and not being able to think about anything other than how numb and horrible you feel all the time” is that what if it is? what if thats all i do lol how am i supposed to be out in public being neurotypical-passing like this
like i look at people who are open about their depression, look at them be out in public and have fun and stuff and i just cant believe how its possible and im so jealous lol i just want to cry when i have to leave the house even when its for something i actually want to do, how
like i know its not easy and i know just because they look “normal” they havent stopped struggling but they can still do things. i also want to do things. alexa download tutorial for doing things
Neymar of Brazil celebrates after the 2018 FIFA World Cup Russia group E match between Serbia and Brazil at Spartak Stadium on June 27, 2018 in Moscow, Russia.
Happy 37th birthday, Christopher Robert Evans! (June 13, 1981)
Our conscious minds are very spread out. We worry about the past. We worry about the future. We label. And all of that stuff just makes us very separate. What I’m trying to do is just quiet it down. Put that brain down from time to time and hope those periods of quiet and stillness get longer. When you do that, what rises from the mist is a kind of surrendering. You’re more connected as opposed to being separate. A lot of the questions about destiny or fate or purpose or any of that stuff—it’s not like you get answers. You just realize you didn’t need the questions.
Secret time, from what I read about TAZ back when I had no idea what it was all about, and pls note that this is bits of information from different arcs and just stuff I didn’t understand, pieces of sentences that I didn’t even read fully, I thought that the story was something like, the voidfish is this huge-ass fish in space that swallows the universe and every time it does time resets or the story restarts and so they’re in this cycle (hehe) of constantly having to save the world from the voidfish but they always forget when they restart the cycle and only learn that they’ve done this a hundred (hehe) times before when it’s already too late and uh, anyway, that’s what I thought huh.
Pass Through Fire 