i just feel like its so much more difficult since i didnt go to a therapist when i should’ve. i spent the last ten years therapising myself, discussing my issues with myself, ive got to conclusions i wouldve if id gone to a therapist, ive done a lot of things wrong, im handling a lot of things in the wrong way, i just feel like, its like…

how do i explain this, its like if you broke your ankle and tried to fix it by yourself and then after like five years of walking on a fucked up ankle you finally went to see a doctor. theres a lot of shit there, you feel? like your ankle isnt broken the way it was before but youve definitely done a lot of shit to it that you werent supposed to just so you could still walk to some distances and you adapted to having to walk on a broken ankle and its working, kinda, but its still not ideal, obviously, but the doctor will have to treat it differently than a straight up freshly broken bone. and so my fear is that when i go to the doctor they like give me advice and treatment and talk like i just broke my ankle when i broke my ankle like years ago so i dont need to be explained what a broken ankle is like, i need someone to fix the mess that happened afterwards.

do you guys get what i mean or am i just stupid…